Trust or Mistrust?

So, I thought I would try to write a blog, or diary, or whatever you want to call this. I’m just a normal 18 year old, living in Nottingham, studying Media, ICT and Maths at A Level (trust me, they’re hard). I yearn to be part of the Advertising industry one day and to have a successful and happy life.

This first article as you’d call it is about a recent situation regarding some of my closest friends and the drama that’s been happening in their lives. One of these closest friends, well, he isn’t as close anymore, he has had it really hard in recent months. His uncle commiting suicide was the most recent event in his life that has made him feel especially down, on top of other things. Let’s just say, he has been on anti-depressants and so many tablets for as long as I have known him, so him texting me about his Uncle and him breaking down really got to me emotionally. The fact that he could trust me with this information and say that I am the only person he trusted really made me feel sorry for him so I felt like I had to be there for him through tough times.

Until today, I believed him. I believed I was the only person there for him. I believed I was the one who would support him through this. But my belief and trust was wasted on the wrong person. I received messages on Facebook and by text about this person, even from people who I don’t really speak to or have anything to do with. Two of them sent me screenshots of their messages to him saying the exact same things he told me. Such as “This paragraph is about you” and “You’re the only one there for me”. This has raised my suspicions of him lying to me about other stuff that’s happened too.

Earlier in the week, I wondered why he wasn’t in the ICT lesson we both have. He text me saying that he was sat in a hospital bed, and that he had overdosed on tablets. This got me quite upset for him still so I texted one of our other friends if she knew anything about him and if he was okay. However, what was strange was her replies. She told me that he was fine. She rang Harmless (its like a place that people with mental health problems go to seek advice) to see if they knew anything as he goes there quite often. They rang him then rang her back to reassure her that he was fine and was just at home, not the hospital like he told me.

I know it sounds pathetic, but I sort of feel like an idiot. I put my complete trust in a guy that said he trusted me, cared about me and even said he loved me and wanted to have a proper relationship with me. That trust was then thrown back at me like trash. And although I say all this and can say I shouldn’t care about him for doing this, I still care. I still want him to be one of my best friends and for him to be part of my life. I just can’t find it in myself to confront him and tell him what others have said. Right now, I am always saying that “I’m confused”. For this drama, this is definitely true. Do I keep being friends and bottling up how I feel or confront him about it and risk losing his friendship forever? I don’t even know how to handle this anymore.

Nothing in life is ever simple, life is a game of chance. When the opportunities are there in front of you, you have to take them otherwise they will just pass by and you won’t get them again. If you screw up those opportunities, then it’s your loss, so take care with them and be grateful for everything you have. At any moment it could all disappear without a trace and you’ll feel just as lost as I do.


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